I wonder if it's *age*... this awakening in the wee hours of the morning? Sleeping has never been a problem for me. I like to sleep... always have. I fall asleep early and usually sleep until 7, sometimes 8 am.
But occasionally (like tonight) I awake around 3 or 4 - generally with thoughts of things that need doing, or were done, or will need doing at some time, etc. running through my head. Most of the time I can side step these thoughts and go back to sleep, but not always.
At these times, I get up and fix myself a cup of tea... and visit with the cats. They love it when I show up in the kitchen unexpectedly. Sometimes I finish putting away the supper dishes or watch an old movie, etc. But eventually I will return to bed a hour or so later and sleep until 8.
If DH discovers that I'm missing from the bed, he will come looking for me. But I send him back to bed with the promise that I will return soon.
This morning I'm thinking about all the things my daughter mentioned when we were there this past weekend. She wants us to think about down-sizing - selling our 4 bedroom, 2 story home and freeing up some capital in order to do more things like traveling, etc. They have considered us moving in with them or around them, or both of us selling and consolidating, etc. It's something to think about... but the time is not right.
We are fine where we are at the moment. We like our house and our neighborhood. It's convenient and comfortable. Our friends are here. Our doctors are here, etc. And our 2 boys and their families live close by, it would be hard to leave them.
Yes, it would be nice to live in the Hill Country... and be closer to my daughter and her family. But as much as I love visiting there, I don't know if it would feel as comfortable as home here feels. Does that make sense? Perhaps it would... in time. It seems that the older one gets, the more one values familiarity.
I do like to try new things... and I definitely enjoy being around family, but there's something so comforting about home that it frightens me a bit to give it up for good (now we have lived in this house for 30 years, so perhaps that's part of it).
Some bloggers that I read are also facing this same dilemma... trying to decide whether to down-size or move somewhere in their retirement years. The problem is that sometimes you both may not have the same *retirement dream*. One may want to travel or move to a specific location... and one may not. What do you do then?
Compromise is probably the answer. Maybe spending some time there, but not moving... would work? Maybe down-sizing in the same location (or close) would work? I just don't know. But for the moment, I'm pretty sure that we aren't going to do anything. Hopefully we have lots of time to mull it over....
and now I'm going back to bed.
Thanks for listening to me ruminate. If you have any advice or suggestions, I would love to hear it.
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I can only speak from our own experience. We are both native Texans and lived in Fort Worth at the time. We had also lived in our house 30 years. Bob is 10 yrs older than me so we were 65/75. He has heart disease. He had been retired 10 yrs and loved our neighborhood, an aging neighborhood in decline, but comfortable. I was retiring from an academic institution. I looked around our neighborhood and realized I would stagnate from the last of intellectual stimulation. I proposed moving to Oregon where our son lived. It took us most of a year to get ready for the move, selling the house and getting rid of 30 years of collected stuff but we did it. We've been here 12 years. It was the best thing we could ever have done for both of us. We absolutely love the medical services here. Bob would have been fine growing old where we were but not me. My word of caution would be not to wait too long. You want it to be your decision, not a decision made by someone else because you were in no condition to make it. Be brave.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input, Linda. I will heed your
Deletecaution and try not to wait too long. I'm hoping that we may have a few years to think about it...
DeleteMy husband I moved from Boulder, Colorado after thirty years there, to the Pacific Northwest, close to the Canadian border. We simply love it here, but we rent an apartment and don't own anything, so we can move or change our minds at the drop of a hat. But when it's time to move into assisted living, we are just mulling what we might choose, as well as be able to afford. We are both in our mid-seventies and healthy, but that could all change in a flash, and we all know. I'm glad I have family, even if they don't live nearby they would help us if we needed it. :-)
ReplyDeleteDJan, I really admire your decision to make that move from Colorado to the Pacific Northwest... and it's obvious from your blog that it was the right decision. How did you make it? Did both of you always want to move there? We haven't thought about "assisted living" yet (although we do carry long-term insurance). Hoped whatever happened, we could *age in place*. And yes, knowing you have family you can always count on makes most decisions easier.
DeleteI can't contribute, because I'm "only" 52 and still working for some years yet (I hope). But even at my age, I'm tired of the small townhouse to maintain on my own. I very much would like a 600-700 sq ft bungalow, though could go a bit smaller too, if the home was extremely well designed and fit my needs. Of course, I want this place to be surrounded by rolling meadows, leafy trees, a stream or small river, and a lovely little garden. :-)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't suggest you do something that your gut feeling says "no" to, but Linda makes a good point, that you want any change to be YOUR decision, not one forced upon you by health circumstances. It's up to you and your husband to find what works for you both, now and down the road. You'll find that compromise!
Peace.
I agree that a small bungalow or cottage could be perfect if designed the right way... cozy with small country kitchen, wrap-around porch in front and screen porch in back, french doors... maybe room for a vegetable garden? And although my gut says no now, who knows what the next few years will bring.
DeleteWhen I moved I considered moving closer to my daughter and grand children, but I just needed to maintain connection to friends who provided so much support to me when I needed it. You make the effort to stay connected to family, but friendships can suffer from distance and time apart.
ReplyDeleteSomeone once suggested to me that those waking in the wee hours were in fact wake up calls from our angels and we should try to listen to what they are saying. Can't say I believe that, but it is a sweet idea.
One of the things I do worry about is losing contact with friends. Although I do keep in contact with several friends outside of Texas (by text and email), it's not the same as having coffee and talking face to face with the ones here.
DeleteAnd the *angel* idea is sweet. I like it.
We all see different paths as we wind down. I have moved a lot in my life and have no problems with seeking a change of pace or perhaps a place more suitable. Oddly, I have never been disappointed. Wish I were closer to family and right now am about mid way between the two sides. With modern technology, we are all just a click away. You will know what is right for you and since you have 30 years invested where you are, that has to be a big consideration. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteWe haven't moved much in our lives. Growing up, we only lived in 2 places. After marriage, we only moved 3 times. It's not something we do easily. You're right that with technology, we're only a click away. But this decision as to where or if there should be a last move is hard. Hopefully we have time to think about it.
DeleteAh, the big conundrum we all face. It will come down to what you need to feel good, each of you pushing or pulling. And when you make that decision, you both have fought hard for a good arrangement and a reasonable accommodation to the other side. It is hard.
ReplyDelete"what you need to feel good"... I like that.
DeleteI've made up my mind that I'll be moving when I retire. Both of my adult children are here but I want to live somewhere where the weather is not so extreme. Of course I've chosen the one place in Canada that is likely to suffer earthquakes so perhaps I'm exchanging one issue for another.
ReplyDeleteAt one time I tried to convince my parents to move here but my mom reminded me their life was in our hometown. I'm glad mom and dad stayed where they were. So often when they needed help their friends and our cousins were there to help out. I know despite my best efforts, with a full-time job and two children I could not have been as available.
I would simply suggest you do what feels right to you and your husband.
Thanks for the input, Eileen. I think that it's a good time for DH and I to *start* thinking about these things, but not the right time to make any decisions.
DeleteAnd I can understand about moving somewhere where the weather is not so extreme. Being from the south, it would be difficult to live in extreme cold... especially in old age. (But that could just be me).